I prayed for another chance, I just didn't realize it would come with a different person than I imagined.
This guy gives me everything, he tells me I'm beautiful, he holds me when I'm down, he makes me feel safe, makes me feel wanted. Yet somehow, I know he's still stuck on her. Yes, they dated for a long long time, and I didn't expect him to be over her quickly. But I was so happy when he seemed to be getting over her and spending more time with me. I tried not to be jealous when I knew he was texting her or when he talked about everything they used to do together, but the truth is, I like him a lot and knowing how much he still thinks about her makes it really hard.
Then he goes and tells me that he thinks he's still rebounding and we need to hold off on spending time together. "If we do start anything serious I want it to be right". I want it to be right too, I want him to be over her, I want to be over everything else wrong in my life, I want to be happy, I want to go on REAL dates with him, be his date to his sister's wedding, all of that is correct. What I wasn't expecting out of all of this, was the IF we start anything serious. I thought we were already heading in that direction. I though we were going to date. I thought he was debating how to ask me to be his girlfriend already (that sounds way high school, but still). I thought he was just about ready, then this.
Maybe I saw it coming somewhat. I knew that I wanted to slow everything down, but I didn't get a chance to say anything when he decided that he was still "rebounding" from her and needed space. I wanted slower, not dead stop. I really like him. I always said I would never consider ending up with a military man, but he's the only guy I would make an exception for because of how amazing he is, and how amazing he makes me feel when he looks at me. Just his eyes tell me that I'm going to be okay, that everything will turn out alright.
I screwed our relationship up the first time, it was completely my fault, and I know that. But this time? I was hoping neither of us would screw it up, that we could start a real relationship, and yet here we are taking "space" so we can start things right "IF" we start them at all. Did I screw up again?
