Heart

I've been told in the last few days that I'm compassionate and brave and that people are proud of me. I've been told that I have a really big heart. What people don't seem to notice, is how many pieces of that heart I've let go wandering around with other people. Right now, my heart is in so many different places, from my friends, to lost friends, to my grandparents, to my baby cousin. I feel like there's not whole lot of heart left for me. That sounds really selfish, but I'm loving on this little girl and yet feeling like there's nothing in the world I can do for her, and I'm also still broken about relationships. I am obviously not enough for a lot of people judging from those who have left me recently, and I'm afraid that I'm not enough for her either. I want her to have everything, I love her so incredibly much, just like I love all of the children in my family, but they deserve the world and I don't know how to make that happen for her.
I don't want to admit it, but I'm still crying every night before I go to sleep. Not necessarily because I've lost someone I love, which I have, but because I'm afraid that I'm going to love people who are just going to leave. I've had a problem with abandonment and rejection my whole life, and now that my past is the reason I'm being abandoned, I don't know where to turn.
So maybe I am compassionate, even brave. Maybe I do have a big heart. Sometimes I feel like it's worthless to have a big heart, because you are passionate about things you can't do shit about.