Closure.

There was a part of my life where all I thought I needed was to be 'with' somebody. I know now that I can be perfectly happy just having close friends. I guess all I needed to get over him was the chance to ask my questions openly and honestly, and the chance to really say my goodbye helped too. I feel like I have real closure now. A sense of closure that I didn't have before. A sense that everything will be okay, for me and for him. I asked if he's with her now, he said yes. I asked if he loved her, he said he thinks so. Then I asked if he's happy, and he said for now. I hope that for now means forever, just like forever, meant for now when he said it to me. I hope that he knows he's in my heart always. I hope that he knows I will always look at the moon and think of him. And I hope that he's proud of me, for taking this closure, and letting it go through that purple sparkly sequin box without crying.... and I hope that it is the right thing to do to empty it...to start over. I hope this is the right thing, but for right now? I'm content, I'm happy, and I haven't been able to say that in a long time. So thanks Sean, for giving me this chance, and for giving me one last, real, goodbye.

Scars

My past is full of scars. Literally. I'm not sure it's completely in my past, but at the same time it's better. I bought oil to make the scars go away. It's like a bittersweet thing though. Every scar I have has it's own story, it's own memory that goes with it. So by getting rid of them it's like erasing a part of my past. I guess I can never get rid of them completely, but they're fading, just like he is, and just like so many people and memories from my past are fading. Some will be gone, some won't, some I'll want to leave, and some I want gone. Leave it to me to find meaning in the simple healing of the literal scars on my arm. Leave it to me to connect it back to him...