Pink - Perfect

Pretty pretty please,
Don't you ever ever feel,
Like you're less than,
Less than perfect.
Pretty pretty please,
If you ever ever feel,
Like you're nothin,
You are perfect to me.

Fight With Yourself

One would think a fight with yourself would be the most evenly matched fight in the world. That's just not the case. I'd rather fight anyone than myself. I'm my own worst enemy, an enemy I sometimes can't beat. I bring myself lower than anybody else ever could. I let myself go there. I lose to myself, and in doing so, I never really win.

I WILL

I will NEVER change who I am for someone else.
I will NEVER pretend to be someone I'm not.
I will NEVER settle for less than I want or deserve.
I will NEVER forget how I've gotten to where I am.
I will NEVER stop laughing.
I will NEVER quit doing what makes me happy.
I will NEVER deny someone a second chance.
I will ALWAYS forgive, and I will ALWAYS love with all that I am.

Dear Purple Sparkly Sequin Box

CONQUERED!!  I know that it has been 3 years... And I should have done this sooner, but I finally conquered that purple sparkly sequin box. The box is empty, but I am not, I feel fantastic, and that box is no longer so incredibly sad.

I don't like being caught off guard. I don't like feeling like I have to pretend something doesn't affect me. I don't like wanting to cry and having to physically force myself to smile. I don't like knowing the truth sometimes. Sometimes the dark is a better place to be because then you don't know the things that can hurt you... I will move on. I just hope I didn't miss out on something amazing...

The truth is, you don't really ever fall out of love with someone, you just squash that voice inside you that brings up their name every minute until you only think about them when you allow yourself to forget why you were squashing it in the first place...

I'll Move On

I'll move on baby just like you, when the desert floods and the grass turns blue. When the sailing ship don't need her moon, it'll break my heart but I'll get through, someday when I stop loving you.

I bet all I had on a thing called love, I guess in the end it wasn't enough. And it's hard to watch you leave right now, I'm gonna have to learn to let you go somehow. Somehow...

 I'll move on baby just like you, when the desert floods and the grass turns blue. When the sailing ship don't need her moon, it'll break my heart but I'll get through, someday when I stop loving you.

-"Someday When I Stop Loving You" --Carrie Underwood

Your heart

Why after all of this hurt am I still worrying about your heart? I'm worried about you hurting, about you choosing her again and getting hurt. I'm hurting right now, a lot, and it is because of you, so why am I still concerned about your heart getting broken? Why on earth do I even care? I should be able to just be angry, to tell myself you're an ass and let it go. But I can't. I don't want you to get hurt. I would do anything to keep you from getting hurt. That hasn't changed. Why not? Why can't I just forget about you and let you live your life and not worry whether your heart gets hurt or not? Oh yeah, because I love you, that's why....

Unsure

For days I've wanted to write something. ANYTHING to explain how I feel, but I couldn't begin to describe this feeling. Everything in the world being felt at once. Relief, anger, resentment, abandonment, distrust, love, heartache, physical pain, hope, calm, loneliness, fear, regret, guilt, shame, pride, helplessness, empowered... It goes on and on. I said goodbye, but not before you told me something that killed every part of me that could have loved you. I felt like I was being stabbed in the stomach with a sword. It went right through me and then it was ripped out again. And when I laid there bleeding, you walked away. The worst part is, you blame me for giving you the reason to hurt me, when really, my hurt this time is your fault. I didn't hand you the sword and say "please, stab me", I just got close enough to you, was vulnerable enough, that you had the chance to. I won't do that again. You told me I could trust you, told me that you never leave your friends. I felt safe with you, protected, yet you let me lay there bleeding. Rejected. I resent your reasons, I resent you stringing me along for so long. I resent you for telling me that there had ever been a chance and then ripping it away from me. I don't resent you for yelling at me, or being angry with something I said or did, but I resent you for using me, for blaming me for something I didn't say or do, for abusing my feelings for you. The urge to talk to you, to see you, for you to hold me hasn't gone away. But you flipped everything without any warning, and I couldn't process any of it. Maybe they're right, I deserve someone who realizes that I'm worth it, realizes I'm valuable, realizes I have flaws and doesn't use them against me. I deserve someone better. At the same time I say that, I think of you, of how you USED to treat me. You've changed. I miss the old you. I still want to be friends with the old you if he's still there somewhere...

Notebook

Best Notebook quote ever:


Noah: So it's not gonna be easy. It's gonna be really hard. We're gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, you and me, every day. Will you do something for me please? Just picture your life for me? Thirty years from now, forty years from now? What's it look like? If it's with him, go. Go! I lost you once, I think I could do it again. If I thought it's what you really wanted. But don't you take the easy way out.

"Happy"

I watch movies, tv shows, my friends lives, their pictures. I see lots and lots of "happy" around me. So, I know that I am "happy". Frankly there isn't much that could make me happier, but I can think of one thing. My whole life, my degree, my future, is built around people and the relationships between people. PEOPLE are usually what make people happy. I have friendships, great ones, AMAZING friendships that I wouldn't trade for the world, but somehow that doesn't feel like enough. I'm not lonely exactly, I just want someone to share my life with. I want someone who gets me and loves me for me. Someone who cares how my day went, even when I did the exact same thing as yesterday. I want someone who cares as much as I do about the little things. The slow kisses that mean more than the pecks when saying hello or goodbye. The interlaced fingers when he holds my hand. The hugs that last longer than normal. The half smile when he looks at me and I know he's thinking about only me. I want someone who will wrap his arms around me and make me feel safe. Someone who doesn't always take life too seriously. Maybe someone who is okay with me being needy sometimes. I don't want tall, dark, and handsome exactly, I want whatever is on the inside, the packaging is just a bonus. I want someone who I feel whole with. All of those things are things he is, has, does, or makes me feel. So since I feel like he's so perfect for me, I can't help but think there's something wrong about me that keeps him from choosing to be with me. I get that timing isn't always impeccable, and that hearts tend to heal slowly, but I can't help but take this personally, like it's something wrong with me. I can't help but feel like he's the one I should wait for. When I ask whether to wait for him , my answer is always the same, hold on, he's it. I'm holding as tightly as I know how. I tried letting go and I ended up tearing at my heart in the process. I can't help but feel like I fit in his arms, that we fit. I risk a lot by letting him have me without choosing me, I know that. I know that people think I'm being used and letting him run my life, but I'm not. I genuinely care about him. I want whatever for him that makes him happy, I just hope that involves me, too. I don't know where we go from here, whether change is important or not. Maybe this is us for a while. Maybe this could be "happy" for now.

Song Snippets.

I know my heart will never be the same, but I'm telling myself I'll be okay, even on my weakest days, I get a little bit stronger. ~Sara Evans "Little Bit Stronger"

You had it all, for a pretty little while, and somehow you made me smile when I was sad. You took a chance, on a bruised and beaten heart, then you realized you wanted what you had, I guess I should have been more like that. ~Miranda Lambert, "More Like Her"

I told you I needed space, I wanted you to make me stay, I prayed don't let me drive away, don't say goodbye. I don't wanna miss you, don't wanna get used to being by myself, I don't wanna miss you, don't wanna give my heart to no one else, I don't wanna miss you. ~Thompson Square, "I Don't Wanna Miss You"

If she brings you happiness, then I wish you both the best, it's your happiness that matters most of all. But if she ever breaks your heart, if the teardrops ever start, I'll be there before the next teardrop falls. Though it hurts to let you go, darling I want you to know, I'll run to you if ever you should call. And if I should ever hear, that she's made you shed a tear, I'll be there before the next teardrop falls. ~Dolly Parton, "Before The Next Teardrop Falls"

Sometimes I'd like to hide away somewhere and lock the door, another battle's lost but not the war cause, tomorrow's another day, and I'm thirsty anyway, so bring on the rain... Yeah I might feel defeated, I might hang my head, I might be barely breathing, but I'm not dead. ~Jo Dee Messina and Tim McGraw, "Bring On The Rain"

Tell me no secrets, tell me some lies, give me no reasons, give me alibis, tell me you love me and don't let me cry, say anything but don't say goodbye. I didn't mean to treat you bad, didn't know just what I had, but honey now I do, and don't it make my brown eyes blue. ~Crystal Gayle, "Don't It Make My Brown Eyes Blue"